Impress Your Boss and Avoid Being Fired: A Comical Guide for Nailing Your Performance Review

Do you dread your performance review? Fear no more; this humorous guide offers handy strategies and advice that are sure to win over your boss without getting you fired!

Introduction

Performance reviews can be like visits to the dentist: unpleasant but essential. And just like dental appointments, performance reviews may be painful, but they are necessary! So, instead of approaching your review with anxiety, why not approach it with humour instead? In this article we’ll give some light-hearted strategies on surviving your annual appraisal!

Preparing for Your Performance Review

Prepping for a performance review doesn’t need to be stressful! Here are a few helpful strategies and advice on how to prepare.

1. Take Time to Evaluate Your Performance
   Take some time to reflect upon the past year and assess your achievements, areas for development, and any challenges or setbacks encountered over time. I know – there’s so much you don’t know where to begin! Jot down your thoughts either on paper or make a mental note for future reference – don’t forget to reward yourself with a drink or two after reflecting upon all you’ve achieved!
2. Gather Feedback From Colleagues
   Gather feedback from your colleagues but take it with a grain of salt; they might just be making it up. The chances are, they are simply jealous of your abilities. Their criticism should not be taken too seriously, while any compliments should be accepted graciously with an bribe offer to buy lunch as thanks.
3. Review Your Job Description
   The last time you looked at your job description was probably when you got hired. However it can be worth dusting it off and reviewing it. Don’t stress or overthink it though; after all, who cares what those boring descriptions contain anyway? Just turn up at work and do your best.
4. Prepare Funny Questions to Ask Your Boss
   Be prepared with some humorous questions for when your boss meets with you for the review. You could consider asking whether they have ever considered becoming a stand-up comic or whether they are secretly a robot. Of course, you should throw in some more serious questions to keep their minds sharp! A good mix of both humorous and serious queries will keep your boss on their toes and deflect any actual performance issues .

Maintain a Sense of Humour during Your Performance Review

In order to make the review less painful, keep a sense of humour during it and remember these tips:

1. Arrive Early and Dress Appropriately
   Make sure you arrive on time and dress professionally for your performance review meeting. Add some fun elements like colourful socks or a bow tie to make you more memorable to your boss – she might even award bonus points for fashion sense!
2. Acknowledging Feedback
   Pay close attention when receiving feedback from your boss; just don’t take everything too personally. For instance, when given constructive criticism nod your head and say: ‘I will work harder at being more mediocre next year.” Or when given compliments respond with something like: “Yes I know, I am pretty fabulous, right?”
3. Emphasise Accomplishments
   At your performance review, take care to highlight all your accomplishments – don’t just list them out; you could re-enact some of your accomplishments through the power of interpretive dance or some Mongolian throat singing!
4. Discuss Your Challenges
   Be open about your challenges, discussing ways you’d like to address them with colleagues – but be creative when offering solutions! For instance if additional training is required, clown school could be a great option.

After Your Performance Review

As soon as your performance review is over, take some time to relax (or or drown your sorrows) and reflect on your feedback.

Here are a few fun suggestions on what you should do after reviewing:

1. Follow Up on Action Items
   After discussing action items during your performance review, be sure to follow up. Instead of sending an boring email, add a bit of humour. Say your boss asked you to improve time management, send an image with a clock on it saying, “I Got This.” A picture is worth a thousand words, after all.
2. Revamp Your Goals
   Review and revise your goals after each performance review, taking care not to take yourself too seriously. Include fun goals like becoming the office comedian or initiating company-wide “wear pyjama Fridays” as milestones on your list.

FAQs

What If My Boss Doesn’t Appreciate Humour?
If your boss does not appreciate humour, it may be best to tone it down – though don’t worry, jokes can always be saved for coworkers instead!

Are snacks allowed at my performance review?
Provided they do not become distracting, snacks should be brought along. Just remember to share with your boss or they might give a negative review!

Can I Bring A Friend To My Performance Review?
Unfortunately not – as this meeting is professional in nature and not a hang-out session. Also, your friend might accidentally blurt out something embarrassing about what really happened at the last office party.

Conclusion

So there we have it: a few simple, yet effective, steps that are guaranteed to create a lasting impression on your boss. All you have to do now is sit back and wait for the bonus cheque!